Chegámos a uma época em que não amar
não é motivo suficiente para terminar um relacionamento. Eu confesso que isto
me assusta. Talvez me assuste que um dia também eu me torne assim. Eu acredito
que não, mas a atualidade está repleta destas situações, é quase uma epidemia.
O amor está doente. Quase moribundo.
Se nós estamos numa relação em que não há amor, devemos perceber que estamos a sacrificar a nossa felicidade e a
da outra pessoa. Nenhum dos dois se atreve a dar o passo da separação e isto
prolonga-se por anos ou para o resto da vida.
Há muitas pessoas que não se amam, mas
permanecem juntas. Casais que vivem numa constante infelicidade e que se
impedem de viver a vida que realmente gostariam. Este tema levou-me a procurar
a opinião de várias pessoas, de diferentes idades e em diferentes fases das
suas vidas e em diferentes tipos de relacionamentos.
Sinto que devo mencionar que eu
não tenho experiência pessoal neste tipo de situações, por isso eu pesquisei,
eu li muito, eu falei com pessoas que já tiveram ou têm relacionamentos deste
género. O amor e as pessoas fascinam-me. Tenho sempre uma espécie de necessidade
de compreender a interação entre o ser humano e este sentimento que move o
mundo - o amor, ou a falta dele.
Não estou aqui para julgar, mas o
assunto intriga-me.
Aprendi que muitas pessoas são emocionalmente dependentes umas das outras, ou um dos elementos do casal é e
isso torna a palavra separação bastante assustadora. O medo da solidão, de não
conseguir encontrar outro parceiro, são fantasmas que assombram algumas pessoas
que estão neste tipo de relacionamento. Aprendi também que há pessoas que não procuram
muito mais numa relação do que companheirismo, aquela amizade que é prometida
para o resto da vida. Têm interesses comuns, respeitam-se, fazem coisas juntos,
só não há é amor. Amor apaixonado. Porque talvez haja outro tipo de amor: o
amor que representa a amizade. A amizade é amor. Mas amor sem paixão. Serão as
pessoas felizes assim? Verdadeiramente felizes? A minha dúvida reside em saber se
realmente estes casais são felizes, são conformados com uma vida sem paixão? Encontram prazer apenas no partilhar a vida a dois, na sua zona de
conforto? Sem amor?
 |
| Errol F. Richardson |
À medida que o tempo vai passando,
estes casais vão perdendo auto-estima e viver sem amor e paixão é aceite como o
normal. Cria-se o hábito de estarem juntos, somente isso. Ficam acostumados com
a vida que têm, partilham os mesmos amigos e têm uma série de rotinas que não
gostariam de perder. Consideram que isso seria um grande problema. Sim, isto é
mais comum do que aquilo que se pensa. Geralmente, estes relacionamentos ou são
muito longos ou são casamentos. Se houver filhos então... A situação torna-se
muito mais complicada. O motivo que une o casal (sem amor) é o amor pelos
filhos, pelo bem-estar deles, pela estabilidade das crianças. Por vezes, são
dois amigos a criar crianças, outras vezes são dois estranhos que se odeiam. Motivos económicos, estabilidade financeira, enfrentar o julgamento da família
por um divórcio, e desiludir os filhos parecem ser motivos bastante fortes para
manter duas pessoas que não se amam juntas. Estes casais investem dinheiro,
esforço e tempo a criar uma zona de conforto, a criar uma família, mesmo quando
já não há amor. Em alguns casos nunca existiu. São os já mencionados
relacionamentos de amor de amizade, ou diria eu duas necessidades que se
encontram e partilham as suas carências. Estas pessoas sentem medo, insegurança
e até culpa quando pensam em separação ou divórcio. Outros têm esperança que o
amor resolva aparecer um dia.
Eu acredito que cada casal é único e
tem a sua própria história. No entanto, é preciso ressalvar que sacrificar a
própria felicidade tem um custo emocional muito elevado.
Se estás nesta situação, deixa o teu
comentário. Se não estás deixa também. Já sabem, podem manter-se anónimos nos
comentários. Todas as opiniões são bem-vindas.
Fica a questão: se não amar não é
motivo para terminar um relacionamento, o que será?
English Version
Not loving is Not enough
We have reached a time when not loving is not enough reason to end a relationship. I confess that it scares me. Maybe it scares me that one day I will become one of those people. I don't believe I will, but these days we see it a lot, it's almost an epidemic. Love is sick. Almost dying.
If we are in a relationship but there is no love, we must realize that we are sacrificing our happiness and the happiness of the other person. Neither of them dares to take the step of separation and this goes on for years or for the rest of their lives.
There are many people who don't love each other, but remain together. Couples who live in constant unhappiness and who prevent themselves from living the life they would really like. This topic led me to seek the opinion of several people, of different ages, at different stages of their lives and in different types of relationships.
I feel I must mention that I have no personal experience in these situations, so I researched, I read a lot, I spoke to people who have had or have relationships of this kind. Love and people fascinate me. I always feel a kind of need to understand the interaction between human beings and this feeling that moves the world - love, or the lack of it.
I'm not here to judge, but the subject intrigues me.
I learned that many people are emotionally dependent on each other, or one of the elements of the couple is and that makes the word separation quite scary. The fear of loneliness, of not being able to find another partner, are ghosts that haunt some people who are in this type of relationship. I learned that there are people who don't want much more in a relationship than companionship, that friendship that is promised for the rest of their lives. They have common interests, respect each other and do things together; the only thing that is not there is love. Passionate love. Maybe there is another kind of love: the love that represents friendship. Friendship is love. But love without passion. Will people be happy like that? Truly happy? My question is whether these couples are really happy or just conformed with a life without passion? Do they find pleasure only in sharing life together, in their comfort zone? Without love?
As time goes by, these couples lose self-esteem and living without love and passion is accepted as normal. The habit of being together is created, that's all. They get used to the life they have, share the same friends and have a series of routines that they do not want to lose. They consider that a major problem. Yes, this is more common than you think. Usually, these are either long-lasting relationships or marriages. If there are children then ... The situation becomes much more complicated. The reason that unites the couple (without love) is the love for their children and the concern for their well-being and stability. Sometimes they are two friends raising children, other times they are two strangers who hate each other. Economic reasons, financial stability, facing family judgment for a divorce, and disappointing children seem to be strong enough reasons to keep two people who don't love each other together. These couples invest money, effort and time to create a comfort zone, to create a family, even when there is no love. In some cases it never existed, it's the aforementioned friendship love relationships, or I would say two needs that meet and share their emotional gaps. These people feel fear, insecurity and even guilt when they think of separation or divorce. Others are hopeful that love will (re)appear one day.
I believe that each couple is unique and has its own story. However, it must be noted that sacrificing one's own happiness has a very high emotional cost.
If you are in this situation, leave your comment. If you're not, leave it too. You know you can remain anonymous in the comments. All opinions are welcome.
The question remains: if not loving is not enough reason to end a relationship, what will be?
English Version
Not loving is Not enough
We have reached a time when not loving is not enough reason to end a relationship. I confess that it scares me. Maybe it scares me that one day I will become one of those people. I don't believe I will, but these days we see it a lot, it's almost an epidemic. Love is sick. Almost dying.
If we are in a relationship but there is no love, we must realize that we are sacrificing our happiness and the happiness of the other person. Neither of them dares to take the step of separation and this goes on for years or for the rest of their lives.
There are many people who don't love each other, but remain together. Couples who live in constant unhappiness and who prevent themselves from living the life they would really like. This topic led me to seek the opinion of several people, of different ages, at different stages of their lives and in different types of relationships.
I feel I must mention that I have no personal experience in these situations, so I researched, I read a lot, I spoke to people who have had or have relationships of this kind. Love and people fascinate me. I always feel a kind of need to understand the interaction between human beings and this feeling that moves the world - love, or the lack of it.
I'm not here to judge, but the subject intrigues me.
I learned that many people are emotionally dependent on each other, or one of the elements of the couple is and that makes the word separation quite scary. The fear of loneliness, of not being able to find another partner, are ghosts that haunt some people who are in this type of relationship. I learned that there are people who don't want much more in a relationship than companionship, that friendship that is promised for the rest of their lives. They have common interests, respect each other and do things together; the only thing that is not there is love. Passionate love. Maybe there is another kind of love: the love that represents friendship. Friendship is love. But love without passion. Will people be happy like that? Truly happy? My question is whether these couples are really happy or just conformed with a life without passion? Do they find pleasure only in sharing life together, in their comfort zone? Without love?
As time goes by, these couples lose self-esteem and living without love and passion is accepted as normal. The habit of being together is created, that's all. They get used to the life they have, share the same friends and have a series of routines that they do not want to lose. They consider that a major problem. Yes, this is more common than you think. Usually, these are either long-lasting relationships or marriages. If there are children then ... The situation becomes much more complicated. The reason that unites the couple (without love) is the love for their children and the concern for their well-being and stability. Sometimes they are two friends raising children, other times they are two strangers who hate each other. Economic reasons, financial stability, facing family judgment for a divorce, and disappointing children seem to be strong enough reasons to keep two people who don't love each other together. These couples invest money, effort and time to create a comfort zone, to create a family, even when there is no love. In some cases it never existed, it's the aforementioned friendship love relationships, or I would say two needs that meet and share their emotional gaps. These people feel fear, insecurity and even guilt when they think of separation or divorce. Others are hopeful that love will (re)appear one day.
I believe that each couple is unique and has its own story. However, it must be noted that sacrificing one's own happiness has a very high emotional cost.
If you are in this situation, leave your comment. If you're not, leave it too. You know you can remain anonymous in the comments. All opinions are welcome.
The question remains: if not loving is not enough reason to end a relationship, what will be?
JB
